xmas

Greetings and salutations

Well, it's boxing day. Had a great christmas, ate way more than is healthy but determined that'll change next christmas.

I had some awesome presents but even though not many people read my blog, I'd like to remind those who have stumbled across it that christmas isn't just about presents.

Although christmas has become materialistic, and it's supposed to be a happy time for everybody...sadly there are hundreds out there who don't get a happy christmas.

Some people don't get christmas, at all. We take this special day of the year for granted. We take being with our family for granted, we take the gifts and the food for granted.

I'm feeling very sympathetic towards those people in the world that don't have what I have today, or what I had yesterday.

Not only that, but on the 23rd of December, 3 days ago, it was my 18th birthday. Another time that people take for granted. You should always celebrate your birthday. In this chaotic world, you never know when it could be your last.

Despite the fact that I'm 18 now, I have consumed no alcohol. As a converted buddhist trainee, I do not drink anymore. It's unhealthy anyway. Besides, my family's prone to depression and alcohol is a depressant. That illness has claimed too many years from my families existance.

Although many people would probably find this a depressing and pessimistic post for one at christmas...I actually feel pretty good. I'm in a very reflective mood. I was thinking the other day...This year, 2009....it's almost over. A few days and we'll be in 2010. And that got me to thinking.

I'm always preaching about doing good and oh the world sucks and people should be doing more about it yadda yadda yadda.

Well...As many of you are aware, new years is a time of reflection and turning over new leaves, making new oths, new promises or renewing old ones.

I've hit the stage of reflection a few days early but as long as I'm reflecting anyway...

I was looking back on the year...and asking myself...what have I done this year? Have I come very far at all? In some ways, no, I haven't.

But, I'm looking at where I am inside myself compared to where I was. In august I tried to kill myself again. Needless to say I survived but the point is, now, almost 4 months down the line, I am feeling so alive, so ready for the world.

I believe that although I have made little progress physically, (after all, I'm still donig GCSE's at 18 for christs sake), I have come very far mentally.
I'm calmer, more relaxed, more determined, and actually more confident.

I still have troule controlling my emotions, especially anger...but they're no longer completely running me. I think that perhaps it's a good thing. I mean, I still ahve to learn to control them, but emotion helps us I think.

Anyways, pyschologically I believe I've come very far this year. A few days ago I was considering what a 'waste' this year has been. I've failed to practice what I've been preaching about saving the planet.

But in actuality, now that I've considered it more, this year hasn't been a waste at all. I think perhaps we have to save ourselves before we can save others...and I'm close to reaching safety within myself.

So by sorting myself out, I'm putting myself in a better position mentally to help others.

So this year hasn't been a waste at all. Besides, technically it wasn't a waste physically either because I got a job.

So this year wasn't bad...it was pretty important actually. Probably one of the most important years of my life.

My mum bought me a book on my star sign, Capricorn...and it says 2010 is going to be a successful year. I sure hope so.

Anyway, I'm gonna be off, got a few things to plan for the new year.

Hope everyone had a great christmas...let's hope that the fun and love we had during christmas was shared by as much of the world as possible.

Happy new year people!

Rhi xXx

My good deed

So, random day. There I am, sat in my mums chair in the living room staring idly out of the window, (I know, I lead such an interesting and exciting life xd), when I notice this big-ish black dog sat in our back garden. It's all cold and wet outside so I'm thinking, poor thing, can't just let him sit there. So I wait for a bit to see if an owner would come. No one did, so I opens the back door and crouched down, trying to make the dog come to me.
He ignored me for a while, then came closer and ignored me again. So I sat down properly to wait for him to accept that I wasn't going anywhere, andhe started barking which I must say scared the shit out of me, you never know how temperamental a dog can be, so I stayed as still as I could. Eventually he came closer and sniffed at me and I stroked him for a while. When I was sure he was used to me, I slowly stood up and let him come in. Then I panicked slightly cos I had no idea what to do. So I phoned my mum and she told me to check his collar for a phone number which I wasn't to enthusiastic about because he seemed kind of jumpy and I didn't really wanna lose my hand.
So eventually after much stroking, he was just sat next to me so I read his collar and phoned the number and the owner came and got him.
Boson his name was. He got away from his owner on a walk about 7 last night. Poor thing. No wonder he ate all my cats dinner.

so yeah.

I miss having a dog.

xXx

so...

It's 25 past 9 in the morning, been up since about half six.

Told my mum about Platform 2, she was fine with it, but I've gotta wait til she gets home to start on the whole Buddhism thing.

I don't think she'll mind too much, she's always said that it's my choice.

I feel so good at the moment. It's great. But I really have to get this shit hole of a room sorted out, which I'll begin doing in the new year. Gonna paint it and get new furniture and everything. It'll be so good to paint over all the shit writing on my walls. So depressing lol.

And get some furniture that isn't broken. Of course, it'll be nice when I can actually SEE my floor.

Total dumping ground lol.

So anyway, yeah, that's the update for this morning.

Might post later.

xXx

Today I...

So today I signed up to Platform 2, which is a government funded volunteer project that allows 'young people' (18-25) to travel abroad who wouldn't oterwise be able to do it.

I signed up to Jet Li's official website and as soon as I get paid I'm going to look into donating to his foundation, though I'm not sure how since it's china and america...I have to do it through pay pal, i know that much.

Anyway, as well as that, I also have to get my passport sorted out.

Oh yeah, and I actually have to tell my mother that I've signed up to go off to another country.

Oh and I've decided to convert to Buddism (no, it's not because Jet Li is a buddhist). Like I said (I think) in an earlier post, I've been reading the open road, and so much of it makes sense to me. It just feels right.

I've had so many doubts about being a pagan...and I just...Buddism fills me with this awesome feeling that paganism doesn't.

So yeah, that's the update for today, now I'm off to bed.

xXx

Kindred spirit!

I hope this works, check this out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iapYwsn02wU&NR=1

i have no idea if that works but if not just go on youtube and type in Jet Li and look for 'Jet Li's charity kick'.

Because this is what I'm talking about man! God, it's amazing. All my ranting and raving and here is a man that's seen straight to what I'm saying in a totally peaceful way.
So many times during behind the scenes bits in films (check out the BTS for Hero and Unleashed), he speaks of things coming from the heart and using emotion.

You don't have to like him as an actor or even respect his martial arts, but you can't doubt his heart!!!

He's an amazing person and he's pretty much an embodiment of my ideals.

I can't even begin to explain how happy I am at seeing this video, because he's been one of my favourite actors since I was like...six. And now, I see this video where he's basically saying what I've been saying...how it's nothing to do with colour or whatever, we're all human and we all need to help each other out.

Man, he's beautiful!

xXx

been a while

I haven't posted in a long time. To be honest, I didn't know what to write because I wasn't as angry as usual. I'm still not, but I've realised that I don't need to be angry to blog.

Dying2bthin, don't feel bad about me changing the colour, it's no problem, I was having trouble reading it too. I feel very privilaged to have someone so interested in my blog, thank you.

To forgeinobject, or B. Thank you so very much for your comment. I'm glad you managed to turn your life around, and I'm glad you've managed to join so many others in doing good in the world, that fills me with great hope for the future. Therapy has helped me alot, purely for the fact that I had someone to just spill it out too. I was able to speak plainly. I'm naturally quite an open person, you know? I don't really have a problem talking about things. I like to talk.

Something else that has really helped me is just basically getting back interested in things that I've loved all my life, like martial arts, films, acting etc.

I'm currently reading a book called 'The Open Road' which is about the Dalai Lama. It's very good, very insightful and thought-provoking. The Dalai Lama seems to me to be very, very wise.

I've made great progress I think. I had a little falling out with my manager at work. Even half a year ago, if that had happened to me I would've quit within seconds. But it didn't really even cross my mind. I didn't quit.
And I am very proud of myself for that. It shows that I am getting past the things in my past that have held me back for so long, and I really feel that I'm getting somewhere.

I have finally decided once and for all exactly what I wanna do with my life, which is a great step I think. I know I've said about being an actor and film maker before but now I really know it's what I wanna do, for absolute sure. I had a few lingering doubts but now I'm certain it's the best path for me.

I really want to learn Kung Fu, but unfortuntely I can't afford the transportation to lessons at the moment, so I'll be learning Tae Kwon Do instead. I'm also looking into Kendo.

Hopefully I'll be able to persue my love of Kung Fu at University.

19 days until I'm 18. Kind of scary. I'll be an 'adult' once and for all. I'll have to truly take responsibilty and everything. It's huge but...it comes to all of us, right?

Still, I'm kind of looking forward to it now. It will give me more freedom to do what I need to do. People don't really take you seriously about things when you're a 'kid'. At least after I'm 18 I'll have more of a chance to do the things I want to do.

I always get childishly excited when it comes to christmas though. Great time of year ^_^

Anyways, I've gotta go to work soon, so I'll leave it there.

I hope everyone's doing great. Here's a little japanese proverb for you, "Fall down seven times, stand up eight."
Basically don't give up. And here's my favourite chinese one, which everyone should know. "Yesterday is history, tomorrow's a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it's called the present."

Keep smiling everyone, even when it hurts xXx