Madness is a nuisance

Well, since I got the first post out the way, I thought I'd get down to business.

I've been on and off dieting now for ages. Years. Unfortunately nothing seems to have worked so I figured I'd try taking extreme measures. I'll just remind you here that I do NOT promote eating disorders. I don't have an eating disorder, I have a contempt for my figure. There's a difference. Not a very big difference. But a difference none-the-less.
I want so much to be thin. No one wants you unless you're thin and you people out there shaking your heads and saying it's not true, it's your personality that counts and all that, don't bother repeating things that have been said to me before. I didn't believe them then, I'm not gonna believe them now. The thing you people saying that have to understand is that you're probably already beautiful, or have something about you that will make people love you whether your skinny or not. Well some of us aren't that fortunate and the only thing we have left is the option to be thin.
After all, despite people saying that fuller is better, I'm still seeing skinny people get the lead roles in films and the positions of models. After all, no one wants to see someone with a load of flab walk down a cat walk, do they? I'm not slating fat people. If they're happy the way they are then that is absolutely fantastic. But I'm not. And I won't be happy for a very long time. I have quite a few issues, but I think that it will all be much easier if only I were thin.

I see the people shaking their heads and saying how can young women do this to themselves, what could make them hate themselves so much.
You know what. If you don't want me to hate myself, maybe someone should have done something about the little bastards calling me a fat cunt at school and the little bitch who used to sit in tech and whisper in my ear that no one would ever love me because I was too fat and ugly and I was just a silly little girl.

God I've missed blogging.

I'm not some machine that can be fixed if you press the right buttons.
I'm not an instrument that can be re-tuned to sound more pleasing to the ear.
I'm not a story that can be re-written to have a happy ending.
I am me.

You people who go through reading these blogs and then slag the people off who write them? You wanna know why we end up like this? Arseholes like you! If you don't like the blogs, fuck off. Get over yourself and get a life because all you're doing when you slate us for who and what we are, is just acting like arrogant pricks who are no better than us by replying!

Anyway, enough ranting.

I don't start college til the 14th of September and I am SOOOOOOO bored and it's doing my head in because when I'm bored I think of food.

So I need to get back to college. I'll be doing Fine Art, Photography, Digital Cre8tor and 3D. I love art. They're all GCSE's though. I can't do A levels yet cos I only have maths and english because I had some issues. Had...lol have.

Anyways, not that I reckon anyone's gonna care about this blog, but I'll be blogging anyway. It helps to get it out. All I have for release right now is therapy meetings and I hate them, they make me feel like every little thing I say is judged to see if I should be locked in a padded cell. I probably should be but there you go!

xXx