I'm still alive

...sort of.

I've not been on for a while and I'm terrible bored so I thought I'd try and update you all. The only problem is not alot is happening in my life at the moment so there's not alot to update you on.
I certainly haven't lost any weight although I have had a weirdly decreased appetite for no apparent reason.

I got fired. Apparently I'm too moody and my personal issues outside work are getting in the way of me doing my job. I'm pissed off for one saturday and I get fired. Typical.

So now my mum wants me to get another job and I'm like yeah sure. Of course she has no idea that I have absolutely no intention of getting another job any time soon.

I don't see the point. They're just going to decide they don't like me as a person and that I'm too moody and fire me...again.

That's the first time I've ever been fired and I definitely didn't like it.

Once again I'm being sucked into my story and it's depressing that it's just that...a story.

I wish I could go be in that world instead of this one.

I cannot even begin to explain how much I despise this world.

I might be getting a tattoo, it's my last pay day so I'm going to go see how much the design I want will cost and if I have enough my mum said I could get it done.
I'm gonna get a story related one, so people will probably be like what the fuck's that but I don't care. It's my tattoo, for me not them.

I've been working on my story for pretty much five days straight. It's going really well.

That's now my job. I've decided. Fuck everything else, I don't give a shit. I don't like this world so I'm not going to live in it.
I'm going to write stories for a living, stories in different worlds.

Loads of people do it so why the fuck shouldn't I?

I hate that it's not real. I've been thinking of death alot recently, but I can't stand the thought of not finishing my stories. When I've finished them all, then I can sleep that sleep you don't get up from.

Wish me luck.

xXx

long time no etc

Well I guess it's been a while since I've written. I cut all my hair off and dyed what's left of it bright red.

I've lost no weight so I'm still fat piggy me.

I'm failing at everything except photography at college so that's fine.

Work is ok-ish but my manager gave me a huge lecture because apparently I need to have more confidence otherwise I'll never be doing my job to the best of my abilities. Doesn't really matter if I do or not since I'm leaving in the summer anyway.

My mum cares for nothing but her business at the moment.

I'm so alone.

My councilling sessions at college seem to be getting somewhere though I'm not entirely sure where, or whether that's a good thing or not.

From tomorrow I intend on becoming very strict with my diet. Whether it'll work or not is another story but I can't get there without intentions.

It's sunny and bright and I hate that. It's not warm yet and I hate that too. I only like the weather when it's warm summer storms.

I love the rain.

My councillor thinks I have abandonment issues and that I'm neglected.

Could be something there...

Not that I think my parents deliberately neglect me or anything...just that it's something that happens to weird little children.

I have to get off this merry go round.