Slight change

Before I say anything I'd like to thank 'I Am His' for your comment on my last post. It was a great feeling to have your support ^_^

Okay so there's been a slight change in my plans, but that's normal.

GCSE's - Film Studies, Latin, Core Science and Astronomy.

After that I think I'm really gonna go for BA Film Production...I was considering doing a BSc Palaeobiology and Evolution at Portsmouth, but I can't really see myself doing that as a career. Perhaps if I save enough from directing films and acting (assuming of course that it actually works out), I'll go back to Uni and take the course.
But film is definitely my career path.

All this comes at a very sad time for me, and others across the world. On Monday 24th May, Paul Gray was found dead. For those of you who do not know, my favourite band in the whole world is Slipknot, and Paul Gray was the bassist.

I still can't believe it.

It's funny how you don't have to have met someone to know them. I know he was a very loving guy, the rest of the band said he had a very big heart.
He was about to become a father. His wife, Brenna, is pregnant with his daughter.

It's so sad. I saw them live in December '08. It was amazing. But I'm very sad that I never got to meet him.

In some ways, I'm kind of like Sherlock Holmes. No where near as clever but we both share a problem. We both think too much. If we don't have something to direct it too, we get meloncholy, depressed and generally go a bit cooky.

You know the saying. "There's a fine line between genius and madness." In fact, I have this theory that anyone who is truly a genius will eventually go crazy, if they are not already.
It's when you start thinking of what crazy really is that you start to get it. Crazy is simply a state of mind that the experts can't explain. You become eccentric, weird, a general oddball.

Some are arrogant. I know I am. I spend my life thinking about things and it drives me crazy. The whole pleasure and pain masochism of having to know the truth about things. The more you learn, the more pain you recieve. You can't stand to be stupid, to not know, to be sinking in mediocre and ordinary ignorance. So you have to know as much as you can. You have to feed your brian, make yourself think.

And then you learn things you'd rather not know, and god it hurts.

As they say, ignorance is bliss.

"My mind rebels this stagnation; give me problems, give me work." - Sherlock Holmes.

It's when I don't have anything to think about that I start to go a little...haha nuts.

Things trigger a train of thought I can't get out of. For instance, the death of Paul Gray.

If I link that to my previous theory that this world isn't real...It would be my mind creating the things that go on in this world, wouldn't it?

Everything I hate here...that would just be part of me, right?

So I've just killed Paul. I'm in a different place and in the world that's supposed to be reality...one of my heroes is gone.

It would make it all too tempting to try and get to this 'other' place...if I woke up, would he still be alive?

But death is a part of life isn't it?

Makes me wonder, what's the point in being here when everyone you care about is going to die.
Sooner or later my parents will die, my sisters, my friends, everyone I love and respect. So why bother?

But I don't think Paul would want his fans to think like that. He'd probably say to make the most of life. Or something.

So you know what. I will. I'm going to go to Uni, I'm going to be a great film maker and I'm going to make him proud, I'll make them all proud!!

Something you have to understand is that Slipknot are as much my heroes as anyone can be.

I would do anything to talk to them, just for a while...

Their music helped me through a really bad time in my life and I took the shit for wearing my Slipknot hoody in school, people would say shit to me about being a Slipknot fan but I didn't care. Their strength gave me strength, as corny as that sounds.

I don't know if I mentioned the story/film script that I wrote with characters written for them...I was editing it yesterday and I just cried again when I got to Paul's first line. It's seriously depressing knowing that he'll never say it.

I was going to cut the character out completely, because I didn't like the idea of anyone else playing that part, but then I figured that it would be more respectful to have the character in, for the whole 'in loving memory' bit.

So that's where I'm heading. No matter what happens, I WILL make that film.

xxx