I'm back

Hello everyone,

Long time, no...uh, well I would say see but we don't really see each other do we.

So anyway, it's been ages since I posted and I've got a really important update, or at least it's important to me.

I've had a very important epiphany. I was in college on thursday and there were a load of soldiers walking around, something to do with public services, and I was thinking about how much I wanted to join the army and all that. It occured to me that what I was doing to myself, driving myself crazy and hurting myself, was...I don't know, it doesn't serve any logical purpose. It doesn't help anything, in fact the more I self harm, the less likely it is for me to be accepted into the army. I don't even know if they'll let me at the moment because you're not supposed to have a history of self harm...I'm hoping because I haven't done anything too serious, they'll give me a chance.

I searched on the website, and I've found the perfect job. Command, communcations and information systems specialist. That's Engineer of communications. Basically sorting out radio contact and battery's and stuff like that. But I get trained as a combat engineer as well, which is like constructing bridges and explosives and stuff.
Plus, I get taught to drive!

Either way I'm gonna apply for Public Servics in September. If I am allowed to try for the army, I can apply for a bursary that they do while you're at college, £1000 every year you're at college and then £1000 when you get accepted into the army.

Either way, I think I've made a huge step forward and I feel stronger than ever. I was thinking that...if I can write a story with a character like Kaden in it, who's really strong, like he has this immense inner strength...if I can write about a character like that, and I know him inside out, then I must have some of that strength in me, right?

I think I've finally found my own inner strength. I feel stronger than I have ever felt in my life and even if I don't get in the army, I parly have them to thank for it.

I'm at the point of letting go of the most painful part of my life. I don't need it anymore. I can finally move on.

My mum bought me this book called The official British Army Fitness Guide...it's really cool it has these fitness programmed to follow and there's different ones depending on your level of fitness.

I'm feeling really good about things at the moment, it's great.

It's my photography exam next week. I'm really nervous but...It should be okay. I've been predicted a B... I'm really scared that I'll get a C which will suck.

I'm going to take a fast track math GCSE in september as well. I got a C in my GCSE, but I got that without paying any attention in class, skipping lessons and no revision. I wanna see what I can get if I actually work at it. I think it's time to stop letting what people have said to me in the past effect me. Just because someone's called me stupid, doesn't mean I am and I'm not gonna let them be right any more. I've been a self fulfilling prophecy by telling myself over and over that I'll fail, by sabotaging myself at every turn.

I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm not going to be my own worst enemy anymore. I'm stronger than that.

Hope everyone's doing good and if you aren't, I'm sure you'll get there, you just can't give up.

xXx