There's a girl dancing in her underwear on my tv and I can see her ribs. It has to be considered beautiful, or she wouldn't have been hired to do it, so now I know they're lying when they say I'm fine the way I am.
And no, I'm not watching porn, I'm watching xXx. I like Vin Diesel, I'm writing a film at the moment where the main character is for him to play.
I have to lose the weight. I want nothing more than to act and make films. Films are my life. They always have been.
I have never known what I wanted to do with myself, because I didn't think there was anything worth doing that I could do.
People say oh I've always wanted to be a so and so. Not me. I'm almost 18 and I've only just figured out what I want to do. It's not because film hasn't been a huge part of my life since I was knee-high to a grasshopper, because it has.
It's just, there's so many things I can be now so I couldn't make up my mind. I mean, I've always wanted to act and be in films and make films because I love it, but there's also other things I love.
What I love most about the chance to act, is that you can pretend to be any other career so you never really have to make your mind up.
But the main point I'm trying to make here, is that now I've decided that I want to act, I really have to get my weight under control. No one's gonna want me to play any main roles if I literally roll!
I start work the week next week, Not this half term week, the next one.
I can feel my ribs and my collarbones but only if I push hard. I wanna be able to see them like you could see them on the stripper in xanders room in triple x when he stays with anarchy 99 boss Yogi.
People want that in a woman. Not necessarily stick thin, but slender, fragile looking but still able to kick arse, that's the kind of woman people want in lead roles now, and that's the kind of woman I have to turn myself into.
It's just so hard.
xXx
No comments:
Post a Comment