... Or at least I think it's #3. I really can't recall.
So...I've lost no weight. At all. I'm a big fat failure. And it's half term so I've got an even bigger epic fail! You all must know how hard it is when you're stuck in the bloody house!
And I have no idea what I'm doing.
I'm trying to commit to my religion, but it's hard when all day I have shit going on inside my head that makes the worst horror movie look like the care bears cousin!
When I'm in a good mood, I believe that there must be some reason for me to be here. Let's put this in perspective for you. I've overdosed twice. Both times with my mums Tremadol. Tremadol is a step down from morphine. 500mg is enough to put a person into a coma and then death.
That's in 10 capsules. I took 30 each time, so by the laws of nature, I should be dead.
Both times, my mum got this feeling that she can't explain. The first time she had stopped checking her tablets, but for some reason she felt the need to. She noticed some were missing so she searched for them and that led to her discovering that I took them.
The second time, she saw the docs bag on her table and usually she leaves them until it's time for her to take them upstairs, but that one time she felt the need to check.
Both times something made her check, and both times I came out clear of any complications.
In my faith, that would suggest that the Lord and Lady, for some reason, are watching out for me and want me around.
The only problem is...I can't figure out WHY?
Oh...I don't know if I actually explained this, but for those who don't know, my faith is...well I'm a Pagan Hedgewitch.
That's a nature religion...you know, magic, trees, 'perfect love and perfect trust', do as you will but harm none.
I've been one since I can remember. My mum's one too, I learned from her and from books. Now don't get me wrong, I love my religion, I believe in it and it's a major part of my life...
But you know, even pagan's have 'crisis of faith' moments.
I can't understand why the world is the way it is. I have this theory, well actually not to sound bigheaded but I have loads of theories...but anyway, I have this theory that the human race are the way it is because we are the care takers of the planet.
Or at least...we're supposed to be.
Think about it, there has been no race like ours, that we know of.
There must be a reason for us to be this way, and I believe that unlike alot of humans seem to think, it's not because we're superior. We're not better than any other species. In fact, we're worse than most.
I believe it's so that we can maintain the planet, look after mother earth the way she looked after everything for millions of years.
Whether people look at her this way or not, the earth IS our mother. She gave us our lives. And how are we repaying her? We're killing her! We're killing her gifts, we're destroying her rivers and her forests, we're slaughtering her children, be it animal or man.
The human race is the biggest Epic Fail in the history of failure!
You know how in the early 1900's there was the great depression. Well, we ARE the great depression. We are mother earth's great depression and we're destroying everything.
The problem with man is that he's greedy, he's arrogant and he's selfish. That's only three words...I can think of a list that would take fucking ages to type!
Man thinks he's superior, he thinks he's better, he's stuffed up with his own importance.
He throws a tantrum if he cannot have his way.
He thinks he owns this planet and everything on it.
When will people learn that they cannot take their wealth and possessions with them when they die? When will they learn that we are children on this world and that at the moment we are being very, very disobedient?
The planet is screaming at us and we're not listening. I sometimes think that we've spent so long not listening, that it's now impossible for us to hear.
It's sighing on the wind, it's crying in the rain, it's roaring with the bears and it's dying with the forests...the forests that we're cutting down and destroying for shit we don't need!
Take a page from the native american indians books!!!
Every spirit throughout the planet is connected. We're destroying the planet, our self-destruction is chained to that. Kill the planet and we kill ourselves.
How can humanity be so fucking blind?!
If you spend long enough focusing on it, you will feel the energy that connects every single living thing.
This is sometimes referred to as 'Gaia' - The spirit of the earth.
But there's so much polution, so much industry, so much hate and plastic and death...that the spirit is dying...everything on this planet dying with it!
Just...think about it.
xXx
No comments:
Post a Comment