Weird relationship with food

Isn't it strange. I decide I won't eat so that I can get thin. I end up overeating. So I say to myself, it's not working, I'll eat normally. I end up eating hardly anything and have lost a couple of lbs.

I dreamt about food the other night, and I couldn't bare to even look at food the day after, let alone eat it.

Now please, please, do not misunderstand me. I do NOT have an eating disorder. I eat. I just found it funny that I wanted to stop eating but couldn't, then I wanted to eat but couldn't.

I've always had a weird relationship with food. I would go on diets then give up then go back on them, then stop eating compeltely then eat loads. I can't remember a time when this didn't happen.
One of the easiest insults kids give each other is oh you're fat, even if whoever they're calling it isn't. And I was bullied alot so I had a lot of the 'you're so fat' comments. And I guess I was. Even when I was little.
I've always been chubby. The problem I had is when I got upset, I ate because it made me feel better for a while.

Now I really am fat and I have to do something about it. I've tried a normal diet and it didn't work. So I'm going to have to go to extremes. I like extremes. They make people look or listen.

If I'm going to grit my teeth through college and uni and being around *shudder* people, I'm sure as hell not gonna let that all go down the drain cos I'm FAT FAT FAT.

So, here I go again! It's gonna be hard when christmas rolls around, but I know I can do it.

xx