Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen
Dunno if any guys actually read this but oh well, it sounds cool!
I think I may have become Pro-Ana without even meaning too. I would say that I'm Pro-Ana for myself, but against it for other people because I know it can be self-damaging and I see beauty in them but not in myself...but then I'd be a selfish hypocrite so I won't say that.
After reading some posts on other people's blogs, I'm trying to 'discover' what 'ana' or being thin, is to me. What it means to me personally.
I suppose I have the soul of an artist, if I even have a soul at all. As far as careers and stuff go, art is all that matters to me.
So as a prospective artist, what does all this mean to me?
I guess at the end of the day, everything I do, everything I'm about, is statement and beauty. Most of the time it's controversial beauty.
Maybe it was bred from my being so hideously ugly and so disgustingly fat, but I like making people think about beauty in places where they don't expect to find it.
For instance, a rational person probably wouldn't find a stick thin girl beautiful, but I do. All you have to do is fully examine and appreciate the curve of her bones, the frailty, the vulnerability, and also her strength, her courage, her perseverance.
All that is considered beautiful in almost every culture of the modern world. And yet they've formed a conspiracy so that they can constantly insult us. The fat-thin conspiracy is as follows...As you're growing up as a child, you're told that it's okay to be you, follow your heart and all your dreams will come true, you can do anything if you beleive, it's what's inside that counts and all that. Then as you grow into an adult that is ripped away. In your despair you find something to fill the hole that's been torn into you. Inevitably, most of us turn to food. Then we put on weight, we get fat, and suddenly the whole world is against us, ignoring the person inside and focusing instead on our grossly distorted image. So they mock us by flaunting gorgeously thin models and actors in front of our faces, just in case we had any self esteem left at all.
But then when we get so sick of it that we make ourselves thin, we get told we're sick, we have an illness and we must eat...then it all starts again.
See, imbedded into the human nature is this unbearable need to be cruel and to be better than everyone else. Many people would have you believe that this comes from survival instincts...but no.
It's the same as a fox. A fox won't kill just one chicken. It will kill them all, just for the joy of the kill.
They used this to try and change my mind about becoming a vegetarian, but now I use it as an example of man.
So they don't want us to be thin cos then we'd be happy...or at least happier than we are.
Being thin doesn't solve everything, sadly, but it's a fucking good place to start!
There will always be fat people, and hey, if they're happy, good on them. But they will always be, just as there will always be arseholes, and I for one don't plan on joining either group!
It's going to be a long hard road and there will be slip ips and bad days, but dammit, I will NOT give this up!
I want to be beautiful too, and the only shot I'll ever have is if I'm thin.
So that's what ana is to me. The oppertunity to be beautiful and the things I will discover and paint along the way to prove that, even though I for one don't want to be fat, there's beauty in everything and everyone eventually. I'm just doing what I have to for there to be beauty in me.
Some fat people are still beautiful, but the fat look doesn't work in some cases, and I'm one of the cases where it definitely is NOT a good look.
"Beneath this mask there is more than flesh. Beneath this mask there is an idea, Mr. Creedy, and...Ideas are bulletproof!"
xXx
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