Die hard

I don't mean the film.

I have 'mother's ghost' by stone sour on repeat. It's a beatiful song.

One of my rats has a bad foot so I have to take him to the vet. He isn't going to like that.

I know that one day, he and the other two will die. It's the inevitable fate of all living things, the only thing dead certain if you'll pardon the pun, is death.

It makes me wonder you know, it really makes me fucking wonder, what the fuck is the point in any of it???
We know we're gonna die. We know everyone we love, our best friends, our mothers, our fathers, our lovers, they're all gonna die and you have to just sit there and accept that it's a part of life.

So why love. You know the saying 'better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all', it's bollocks.
Loving just makes it hurt more.

You can choose to love, or you can choose not to, either way you loose. If you love, you have the pain of loosing whoever you love, which is inevitable, whether they leave you then die, or just plain die, they're still gonna go.
And if you choose not to love...well then there's the agony of loneliness.

If I had a choice, I think i'd actually choose to be alone.

But then if I had a choice, I wouldn't be here.

I am the face of self loathing
I am the face of despise
I am the face of self hatred
Despair's all that's seen through these eyes

I am the inevitable madness
My fingers creep deep through your minds
I am the one with the iron grip
Mine is the fear that grinds

No one's beyond my reach
My terrible power's complete
Mine is the voice that will shatter
Your quivering flesh I will eat

For I am the one that devours
I harbour a taste for the lost,
the wretched, the lonely, the wounded
My soul regards no cost

I am the face of solitude
I am the ghost of the night
I am the one that can't be touched
no arms can hold me tight

I am the loveless unlovable
The massochist ambassador of pain
I am the tears of the forsaken
I am the guilt and the shame

I am the death of the hopeless
I am the cries of the torn
I am the guardian of lost souls
The monster mistake still-born

I am the nameless, the cruel
I am the sinner, the sin
I am the wish for freedom
I am one never let in

So listen in the dark
and sometimes hear me scream
but never try to find me
I'm merely the memory of a bad dream

..........