I never meant to hurt you

I have to go to work soon, and I'm not sure I want to come home again afterwards. I wrote my mum a letter, and it's not very polite to say the least.
I'm not trying to deliberately hurt her, though I know it will. I'm just trying to make her understand.

It's just built up again I guess, all the pressure inside my head...and I just sort of exploded it out on paper, which admittedly I do alot.

I put it next to her bed so that only she will read it. My sisters home and if she reads it before mum, she'll bin it and probably start on me.

If she does...someone's gonna get hurt, probably me cos I can't fight but...

I don't know what's wrong with me. All I can feel is anger, I literally can't feel anything else.

I'm seething inside and I'm sick of it. Just a few more days til I get paid. Half it has to go on various bills (mums rent, bus card and vet bill) but the rest I get to spend on whatever I want.

Cigarettes, alcohol, pills and razors probably. And I'm going out with Hope on the monday, which will be nice. I haven't seen her since my birthday.

I don't want to fight with my mum, I just want her to understand and this is the only way she ever takes me seriously.

At least I don't have any doubts about desrving to cop it now. After this, I deserve worse.

I'm not really in a writy mood anymore, I sort of got it all out in the letter to mother...so I'm just gonna play solitaire til work.

xXx