WARNING: Long rant continued

Yo

Before I go back to what I was talking about yesterday, I just want to reiterate how much I hate email scammers. If you recall the posts about those people who were supposedly the UK National Lottery saying I won, well I blasted them for trying to scam me and I got another email today that's apparently from the FBI, and they said they're monitoring internet scammers and that they've comfirmed that these people are legal and it's actually the UK lotter and all that.
What bollocks. Why would the FBI have a gmail account? And why would they be so quick to tell me all that? For one thing I'm in England and the FBI are American. So they should have nothing to do with me. They said something along the lines of we urge you to make the transaction. Well fuck you mate. I'm not giving some scam bastard £240 because he's told me I've won a million.

Anyway, I've just blasted them and basically told them in no polite terms to get fucked.

So, anyway...

I had this thought this morning about nothing being black and white. Like...I've always believed that the universe hinges on balance...but humans aren't like that at all.

It's not like oh you either love it or hate it. You're either a good person or a bad person.

It like night and day. This is a semblence of what I'm talking about. Day is light, and night is dark, but you always have dusk and dawn where one merges into the other.

Ying and Yang for example, has a dot of the other in it's centre.


So even the best of us have bad in us.

There's no way to stop any of it if it's a part of the natural order of things. But perhaps that's a conspiracy.
"Is that what you really think or is that what they'd want you to think?" (V, V for Vendetta)

Like...they've told us that it's the natural order and you know, everyone's always saying to me, it's life, deal with it.
What if that's just them saying that because they don't have the balls to try and change it.

Maybe it can change, they're just trying to keep things the same so that they have some semblence of control.

In Sharing the Secret, Beth reveals her biggest fear and she says that it's like growing up makes you forget all the things you knew when you were a kid. And I think she's onto something. I relate to so many things she said.
Anyway, what if she's right. Like as a kid you know that things should be different but then they drum it into you that this is life and that you have to accept it and then you slowly start to forget.

Sometimes I worry I'm starting to forget, and it's like, every time I start saying to myself, okay. It's okay to move on, you can go for it now, you can live now, I feel like I'm losing who I really am. It's like I'm slowly accepting it and forgetting why I'm angry in the first place.

Like I'm losing my own control and giving it up to 'them'.

And then I catch myself and pull myself back from the edge of blind submission and once again remind myself that I will NEVER accept any of it.

I feel sorry for those who have already given up on this war, like my mum. From what I can tell, she used to fight it like this as well...but then they tricked her into telling her she was 'better' and now she accepts it. She accepts that life is like this and she has to just deal with it.

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's not a self-harming suicidal alcoholic anymore of course, but it makes me mad when she says I know what you mean, I was exactly the same but...

But nothing. If you were exactly the same you wouldn't have given up the fight.

It's like...becoming an adult you're expected to give up this knowledge that you have as a kid. Like...you've spent the last five, six, seven years figuring it out and now they're telling you to get over it and get on with it. And then you slowly start to forget what you figured out, and then you've lost.

It's like they remodel you. They weren't made in God's image, we are moulded in theirs!!

Like what we think of them now, someone will think about us if we give in.

Like there's actually no such thing as an individual. It's like human culture is just an institution. That's why people spend so much time picking a group to be in. Like in Rebel, Rebel, Keanan Duffty says about this clip he saw of this guy asking a goth why she's all dressed in black, and she says she wants to be different, and then the camera zooms out and the room's full of people dressed all in black.

Even the labels that were originally designed to break the mould have become an institution. They are their own moulds now.

Everything's just scarily superficial and fake. Like everything's completely shallow.

So it's up to every kid out there. Are you gonna let them take you? Or are you going to fight?