Epiphany

I had a thought yesterday when I was eating a jacket potato.

I've been bullshitting myself out of eating because of reading everyone else how they're so paranoid about their weight and everything, but that's not why I don't eat.

Yeah, I want to be thin too and all you who are starving yourself to perfection, if that's what you wanna do, go for it. (I'm not necessarily urging you to starve yourself, more urging you to do what you wanna do. I do advise you to be very careful but I know that you guys aren't stupid and that you know that kind of thing's dangerous, you don't need me to tell you that.)

But that's not why I do it. Being thin has nothing to do with it. It really doesn't. If I get to the weight I wanna be, I'll get called sick, if I stay as I am I'm fat, no one's ever gonna be fucking happy with the way I look so why put myself through hell for them?

No, I'm putting myself through hell for me and no one else.

I actually see this is as a good thing. I mean, I've always been one to be completely different from everyone else. If I were to make myself sick, I'd be put into the category of bullimic, which is quite a full category, if I do everything without throwing up cos i have nothing in me to throw up, I'll be put in the category of annorexic, which is probably fuller than bullimic.

But not eating that has absolutely nothing to do with fat or thin, that's smaller.

I don't WANT anyone to figure out what I'm doing. I don't WANT anyone to put me in a category and say "Oh,the cure for that is blah blah blah".

I don't want their stupid cures.

If you've figured out that there's something wrong with you and you can sit there and say, I'm fucked in the head, then people always say oh you're just attention seeking.

I could deny it I suppose, I could say no, there's nothing wrong with me,I'm compeltely fine.

But it'd be fucking bullshit.

Just because you're aware of your mind-fuck, doesn't mean it's any less of a mind-fuck than someone who's not aware of it.

It just means it has the potential to fuck you up more because you know of it and can't do anything.

Quick intermission - It is FUCKING COLD!!!

But yeah, anyway.

I just thought I'd share that little revelation.

If there are people on this site that randomly flick between blogs, I just want you to know that not everyone does things for the same reason. I have nothing against anyone who does what I do, whether they do it for the same reasons as me or not.

My whole point is that you should do what you wanna do (within reason). I don't want people to hurt themselves, but at the end of the day, it's your body.

So if you're reading these blogs and thinking of starting your own but think no one would read it because you don't have an ED or something, don't even think about it.

People aren't here just because they have ED's. Go ahead and start your blog. Everyone should have a blog. Trust me, it helps. And I for one promise I'll read your blog if you send me a link or something.

Blogs are great things. You don't have to let anyone know who you are, you can keep it anonymous, so that you can just spill out whatever's pissing you off or hurting you, and no one needs to know who you really are.

So yeah.

Build the community people. Because on a blog site, it doesn't fucking matter what you are in this world, no matter how high up or low down in society you may be, no one cares what you look like. If you're an interesting person, people are gonna pay attention to you no matter what, so start a blog and share you ideals.

xXx